i did something this week i never thought i would do a year ago. i took a financial test – a huge, motherload of a test called the series 7. related to my role at work, administered by finra and complete with mandatory fingerprinting, it’s a six-hour long exam with 250 multiple choice questions requiring a score of at least 70. the 7 is the first hurdle into the financial world, and if you’re brand new like me, it requires months of familiarization on the topics and weeks of intense studying and prep time.

you should have seen our condo over the past three weeks. some of you did. this test had massive priority. i didn’t even attempt to clean. once. which is something that normally wouldn’t happen unless i was near death. there were notes, books, pencils, calculators, highlighers, eraser residue EVERYWHERE. we even stopped bothering to clear the table of laptop chargers and practice tests before dinner. i remember sitting one night at the table holding a margarita in hand (thanks bry) buried in notes while studying support and resistance levels, thinking, ohhhhh to have a life. and to not realize how sweet it is until you suddenly don’t have one anymore.

why is that? in some ways it felt like predicting failure was the right thing to do. that way, i wouldn’t cultivate false hope, wouldn’t allow myself or anyone else to build any unfulfilled expectation of me. i sold myself on failure like it was some form of insurance. if i could toughen myself up to the idea of failing, if my skin was thick enough, then it wouldn’t matter on the other side, pass or fail.

and then hope crept in uninvited. while taking a shower one morning my mind rested on the fact that really, i have never failed. in all major moments of my life, i haven’t ever failed. how many people can say that? i’ve always succeeded. a lot of us have. we were born with these opportunities. for me, it was the opportunity to excel at ballet as a teenager, then graduating from high school and college with grades and degrees i wanted; later, it was holding on to a relationship that mattered to me and marrying a husband not even fathomable in my dreams as a kid, then buying a home together, searching for a meaningful career, running and finishing a half marathon … knocking them out one-by-one, one blessing at a time coupled with my gratitude.

and, now with this test under my belt, with a score above the national average at that, the most important thing to realize in the midst of success is that it is not ourselves alone that spur us on. i like to hold on to a phrase from an old hymn: “grant us wisdom, grant us courage.” simple. but so true. with wisdom and courage granted by God, what can’t we accomplish?

it’s not easy to always believe you can succeed. it takes convincing and conditioning, if it means shutting out your soul’s voice that tell you otherwise. we have to realize though, that we are the only ones holding ourselves back from making strides, successes that will matter to others and that will make us better people, successes to make the history books!

tell yourself you can do it, and move forward with wisdom and courage.