ok, so it’s not father’s day anymore.
but this one goes out to my pops, the one who has fathered me for roughly 8,200 days. more importantly, he’s been financially free of me for almost 365. my old man, my counselor, my comedian and supporter; my uplifter, my encouragement, my provider, my teacher and healer. my dad – phil – a doctor who helps others live, and to the fullest. a man who loved like Christ to lead me to Christ.
perhaps i understand most clearly this infinite love God hands to me because of the way my father is able to consistently embody it. as a willing servant to his family, he has always been approachable at every age of my life. (even high school. that guy has got some skills.) i’ve never felt distant from him because he has always made himself present and available. he would use discipline to my advantage and only when necessary. while he would never hesitate to share his perspective, he still always understood mine. he knows when to be lighthearted and when to be serious. he’s goofy, joking, and has that sparkle in his eye. he’s perceptive, honest, straightforward and practical. he’s strong, empowering and driven. he’s gentle, comforting and still.
all of these things we can find in Jesus.
if you talked to my dad, he would say he’s floundering in the same boat as the rest of us, trying to grasp some sense of who we are as God’s Children. but i like to think my dad has some sort of “advantage” over the rest of us. he emerged a christian amongst his non-religious immediate family in his twenties – which is a feat in and of itself. (although, once again, he does not take credit for this. he accredits a mystery encounter with an angel to his conversion.) a smart student, he worked his way through undergrad, flew through the mcats and attended med school at the university of missouri. he and my mom married sometime around then, and recently marked 29 years of the most blossoming relationship i have ever witnessed. for over 30 years he has held others and tended to the sick, the elderly and the lost. while deeply saddened by streaming illness and death, he is equally humbled and honored to hold a position of such magnitude – one that expresses God’s ultimate intention in its very action – the act of restoration.
i like to think he’s one of God’s favorites. he has done so much good. so much silent witnessing, the kind of witnessing that demands attention to the matter at hand, not the person offering it.
i did mention that he’s funny. when one day i whined at the ripe age of 8 that i wanted a cool nickname like “buckwheat,” daddy-o did not hesitate to jump on that bandwagon. for over fifteen years i have been called “buck,” “bucky,” “wheat,” “wheatables,” (he thought this one was so funny i got an actual box of wheatables crackers for my birthday one year) “buckeye” and finally, “eye.” in fact, my dad’s wedding gift to me was a small wooden plaque with the letter “i” painted on it. and to think i actually hung it. when i call now he greets by saying “hiiiiiii, iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii” until his breath gives out. (it takes longer and longer these days. good lungs.)
speaking of weddings, you should have heard his toast. we’re at a gorgeous reception (if i do say so myself), on the rooftop of a downtown seattle building facing the fading sunset, glowing buildings, the vast sound, the surrounding marina … and my dad gets the mic and whips out a checklist so long that it practically stretches across the dance floor. the list, of course, was a list of all the expenses my life had incurred, with a brief rundown of all traffic accidents and pairs of shoes purchased. this list he was now gleefully handing to bryan as a sort of right of passage. talk about symbolic.
ohhh, i love my dad with all my heart. and i know he loves me. and if one man can love me this much, can wrap his arms this tight around me each time he sees me, can rejoice in my decisions and forgive my mountainous mistakes, can give and offer and put the world in my hands, can formulate the beginnings of my confidence and passion within myself, HOW MUCH MORE does the God, who made the universe for us and put it in our hands, love and understand and cherish and value and forgive us? what will it take for us to understand? like comparing a drop in the ocean. like comparing a leaf in a rainforest.
dad, to say i love you is an understatement.
