checking in with myself at the end of this week, i feel battered and a little bruised. there have been hurtful conversations and pointless words exchanged. i have pushed my own selfishness and conceit on others. i have interrupted and interjected and fought and cried against the most blinding, obvious realization staring me in the face: there are things about moi that need some work.

i need to fix me. or at least work on me and i know that. but i also know it requires being patient and humble and honest with myself. it requires that we face our reflection in the mirror instead of pointing fingers back. it takes some serious maturity to be able to say, “you’re right. i am too judgmental. i am too demanding,” instead of, “what about you? what about that judgment you passed on complete strangers last week?” and so the route of blaming outside of ourselves and numbing up to our own actions seems that much easier. in our weakness we want to take it.

but if we do that, if all we do is curl knuckles into fists, we miss the mark by a mile. we miss that opportunity to become vulnerable and truthful, to exercise the wiggle room God gives us to either take the wide and trampled path or the narrow, steep one.

this week’s sobering slap in the face still stings a little. sometimes i feel i would have preferred bryan not address some of my deep flaws because, frankly, it’s overwhelming and cutting at first. but then again, isn’t that accountability just another role he should fill in my life? shouldn’t we be fearless to tell each other in love what we see that needs repairing?

today is an entirely new day because i get to practice what i can be like without my flaws. i can rehearse what my appropriate response will be to situations that arise until i am no longer rehearsing, but living. living free from contempt and guilt and judgment and gossip and instead living in grace and peace and contentment.

i am so thankful for this lesson.